Where Have I Been?

You may have been wondering, "Wheeeeere's Luke?"

A Bad Dream

Last night, my girlfriend Ioana and I saw 'Dreamgirls' in Newport Mall right here in Jersey City. If you're having trouble with that name, it's pronounced Joana. Really, it's Romanian and it's pronounced 'you-wanna'. OK, not exactly but I can't pronounce it right in Romanian so I just say Joana. Sometimes I call her Iona just to get a rise out of her. I digress.
Anyway, so I bought the tickets, met up with my better half (scoring a point or two if she's reading) and went to the movie.
Now, we walk into the theater and it's about 60% full. The theater, though, is small. The screen felt like a big plasma screen TV. We pick a seat and sit.
Not long after the movie starts, this girl to our left calls her friend on her phone and proceeds to have a long conversation on speaker phone. Not to be undone, her boyfriend whips out his blackberry and starts waving it around, checking emails and making his own calls. During one of 'Effie's' (played by Jennifer Hudson, the new media darling) songs, the guy behind decided he wanted to get in on all the fun. He started to add his own loud whistels (the two hand in the mouth kind) punctuated with some 'UH!!!!!'s, 'YEAH!!!!'s and 'YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!'s. A baby started crying soon after, followed by more phone calls from the power couple to the left, to the left. It was completely ridiculous, I think I saw a twister game break out in the corner. A-mazing. At one point, I turned to Ioana and said, loud enough to be heard, 'are we in the movie or the zoo? These people are acting like animals.' She got upset and said something about me making the situation worse. She then turned to the sixteen year old girl and said, 'Excuse me can you stop talking on the phone?' The girl looked at her with a like she had been told that no one is allowed to wear shoes in theater effective immediately. She sort of quieted down for a while but then started up again. I was reaching the explosion point. I'm pretty relaxed, but when I get to the point where I'm pissed I get like beyond reason, beyond good taste and beyond all reasonable levels of vengeance pissed. I was almost there. I was making plans, I had just the right insults for the gangster-blackberry guy and just the right trajectory worked out for his girlfriend's phone - I think I could have caught the whistler's head and still hit the wall hard enough to have broken it. Anyway, I'm sitting there steaming, Big Pun is on his blackberry, the guy behind me is yelling and whistling, babies are crying and I turn to Ioana and say 'OK, time to leave.' She refused and again goes to would-be JLo and Marc Antony and says 'We're in a movie, why are you talking?' The girl replies, indignant, 'because I wanted to talk to my friend'. You got the sense that it didn't even occur to her that it was inappropriate. My girlfriend said, 'OK but I paid money to be here and I just want to watch this movie and hear what they say'. Again, the logic was lost on them. Ioana may have well been speaking Romanian by the look on their faces. This was followed by a 'YEA!!!!, UHHH!!!! ALRIGHT!!!' from behind us. I just started laughing, having reached the 'acceptance' point of the situation. The movie pretty much went on like this, as if everyone was in their own 'Choose Your Own Adventure' experience. It ended, we left, my girlfriend complained to the manager and we got our money back, which was nice.
Anyway, I bring this up because maybe it colored my experience but this movie has been getting a LOT of press. Everyone is indignant that it didn't get best picture. Jennifer Hudson is getting talk for 'best actress' or was it supporting actress? Awards awards awards!
I'm here to tell that it just wasn't that good. Here's why:

• It was too long. At the end I just wanted to fucking thing to be over. Keep in mind the aforementioned Carnival in which it was viewed, maybe that is why but I don't think it was the only reason.
• They couldn't decide if it was a musical or a movie about music. Here's what I mean: you've seen musicals before, right? OK. You have to suspend disbelief. It's ok that the guy at the restaurant is singing 3 verses about wanting, say, bacon and eggs. You just accept it. The dialogue is overdone. Whatever. In a regular movie, usually the scenes are realistic, you feel like the conversations sounds like conversations. This movie bounced back and forth. For the most part it was a movie about music but like two or three times they'd just break out in song. It just didn't feel like it worked.
• I feel like I should have more bullet points now that I've started them but it was OK. Pretty good. That's it. Eddie Murphy was very good and could sing pretty well. He was in the movie for maybe 20 minutes. Effie - Hudson, has a great voice. I mean really great. Beyonce is hot and she was good, Jamie Fox was good. Everyone was good. The plot was very cliche and it mostly worked itself from song to song and that was pretty much it. It was definitely not an injustice that this didn't get nominated for an Oscar.

So what's my point? I'm not sure but I guess: Newport Theater is a shitty place to see a movie and the movie gets a solid 'B'. Fairly entertaining, nothing that special. Yawn.

Gilbert Arenas' Shoe Commercial

This would be a pretty funny commercial.

In his own words, this is Gilbert's 'vision' for his own shoe commercial:

"You know how I always throw my jersey into the stands after a game? In Washington, they just go crazy for it. So in this commercial, that's what I'm gonna do with my shoes. I've just hit a game winner, and I throw these shoes. Everyone starts to react, and you see everything in slow motion. Everyone's pushing, shoving, doing whatever it takes to try to get to these shoes. People from the 400 level, they're jumping off the ledge, they're missing the pile, hitting nothing but chairs, and you can just see in people's faces like, Ooooh, that hurt. While all this stuff's going on, one of the shoes pops out of the crowd, and a little girl gets it and she takes off. A couple of people see she has it, and they start chasing her, and she's looking back running—and then she gets clotheslined by a kid in a wheelchair. So he picks the shoe up and says—he's gonna have the only line in there—"They said I couldn't get it. Heh. Impossible is nothing." And then he rolls off."

And On The Third Day He Blogged Again

Last night after work, I headed to the village to meet up with my good friend Hasdai at the Art Bar on Eithgh Avenue between Horatio and Jane Streets.
I just had a hell of a time trying to spell eighth. I find as I get older my spelling abilities decline.
I digress.
While there, I hung out with two of Hasdai's friends - Faith and Kate. Actually, Faith was his friend and Kate was Faith's friend. Maybe Kate is now his friend but I guess you'd have to ask Hasdai or Kate. Maybe Faith would know, too. I'm not friends with any of these people but Hasdai but the other two seemed nice and they lived in Jersey City.
Anyway we all convinced Faith she should have a blog and now she does, so you should check it out: boo-yakasha!
Kate also has one but she's apparently a blog snob and I don't have access. You can try to read it by following this link: https://www2.blogger.com/blogin.g?blogspotURL=http%3A%2F%2Fanteriorcommissure.blogspot.com%2F

Isn't It Ironic?

“Victory will not look like the ones our fathers and grandfathers achieved. There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship.”

-President George W. Bush

I'm completely stealing this from my friend Hasdai's blog - which is about a million times more sophisticated and than mine and you should check it out if you haven't already.
I couldn't believe Dubway said this, I mean did the image of him declaring victory on a battleship not pass through everyone's minds as he made the above statement?

Kicking Off 2007 With Some Not-So-Deep Thoughts

It's a new year and I haven't gotten around to blogging in 2007 yet.
I seem to have come down with the plague, leaving me with nothing but free time on this long weekend to wax philosophical on my only world-wide-venue.
I have some random thoughts I'd like to share and then I have some more lengthy things that I will devote entire entries to later on.
But first, things of little consequence:

• Justin Timberlake: I've always considered this guy a bitch. Mickey Mouse Club. N-Sync. Getting "Punk'd". Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. See the thing is the guy is obviously such a cornball, which I don't have a problem with really but he tries to act like he's mad hard. Case in point, when he was 'Punk'd'. Justin comes home to find everything in his house was being seized by the government because his accountants didn't pay his taxes or whatever. JT flips out. But not like, he's going to fuck anyone up flipping out - more like Steve Erkel getting kicked in the balls. Anyway, he's whining and shit but then eventually Ashton Kutcher and his cameras come out and Justin turns all tough-guy "Yo, dawg! You had me trippin, yo! YouknowwhatI'msayin, kiiiid?!". Give me a break. Anyway, that being said - Sexyback is a great song. I have it on my mp3 player and I listen to it all the time. Well, not so much anymore but it definitely had song-of-the-week status for maybe two weeks. The guy is talented. His 'Dick in a Box' skit on Saturday Night Live is very funny. If you haven't seen it follow the link. Also, dumped Cameron Diaz and fucked Britney while she was hot.
  
• New Jerseyans are Retarded on Subways: I lived in New York City for over four years and spent hours upon hours on the 1/9 and 2/3 trains. Whatever. I moved here to Jersey City because I bought a condo and I work downtown in Manhattan, so now my commute is on the Journal Square/Newark to World Trade Center PATH (Port Authority Trans-Hudson, if you don't know, now you know) line. I was born and raised in Jersey and I do love my home state but people from here are fucking retarded on subways. First of all, they have no sense of spacing on the train. You look in a PATH car and it looks mad crowded but when you get it, you see mad people bunched up around the door but on the ends of the cars there is a ton of free real estate. Why don't they just move to where people aren't? I don't get it. It really confuses me. I mean if these same people were in an elevator together, I'm sure they'd spread out. Four of them wouldn't just be all up by the floor number buttons. Anyway, while that's confusing, it's not that bad because as someone that will go to open space it actually works to my advantage. What drives me crazy, though, is that people getting on the train don't understand that it is in everyone's best interest to let the people off the train before they get on. It really makes me furious. Here's how it goes: you're either end of the train; it stops; you start to make your way to the door; there are people to avoid but then when you get closer to the door people are just streaming in while you (and others) are trying to get off. It's like you're a running back but with no offensive line. You juke past the first person, spin around the next, side step the next but after that you put your head down and just ram through for the first down. People of New Jersey, what is wrong with you? Let the people off. Then you can get on. Is this hard?
• Sports: Now that the Knicks are horrendous, I really don't regularly watch many sports. I still enjoy them but I seem to prefer my sports in print. I love Bill Simmons. I read the NY Times Sports Page every day. I read CNN/Sports Illustrated and ESPN.com. So, I'm fairly well informed of happenings in the sports world but I don't really watch them. Is that unusual? Anyway, I don't know what the Giants were thinking. It seems to me that Coughlin lost this team. You get the feeling that the players all think he's just a big idiot and tuned him out. I don't know what they were thinking giving him an extension, except that they thought he deserved another year due to all the injuries and thought he wouldn't be respected if he was a lame duck. Also, Tiki Barber is a bitch. Fuck that guy. Now, I respect his right to retire, in fact I understand and commend him but why did he have to announce it? Why did he volunteer to the news media he didn't pay attention in team meetings? He wanted it to be a story, that's why. By the way, he's not going to be half as succesful as he thinks he is. You heard it hear first. For a football player, he's good on TV and radio, I'm sure. For a TV/radio star, does he cut it? I'm guessing no. I think Bill Simmons said, you'll see him on the preview channel in five years telling you not to check out the WE channell in that little box on the upper left hand corner with a look on his face like, 'man, I should have played a little longer." I mean is it really going to be that great being the fifth host of 'The View'? Granted, I haven't seen him much but that's just my gut feeling - we'll see. I don't know how to indent bullet points for sub-points, so this paragraph has too many thoughts for one paragraph. I'm like the James Joyce of the blogging world with this stream-of-consciousness thing going on right now. Moving on, the Mets were right to not sign Barry Zito. Omar Minaya was right to walk away, he got way too much money which may end being bad for Zito because it creates unrealistic expectations. He got Roger Clemens in his prime money but he's really Andy Petitte at best. Speaking of Petitte, the Yankees are looking better and better. Now that George Steinbrenner is spending most of his time in Tampa Bay eating baby food, Brian Cashman is going to get their house in order. They've got the money and if they have the discipline, they're going to put together some very good teams that will win championships. Remember, their dynasty of the 1990s was built when 'The Boss' was away on suspension. The Knicks suck. I don't know their record right now. I don't care. Eddy Curry was The Man for about a week and a half. They're going to do well enough to make the playoffs in the Atlantic Division which just may be the worst division in all of sports and Isaiah is going to keep his job. The fight with Denver wasn't that bad and it got way too much attention. Carmelo really bitched out. Not because he got into the fight but because he smacked Mardy Collins and ran away. Ew. I don't mean to snitch, but that was a real pussy move.
  
• Britney Has Lost Her Mind: What is going on here? Doesn't she have people telling her to chill out? Can't see just have people go to her house and get wasted there? I mean, she knows the paparazzi is going to follow her around? Does she enjoy being in these magazines? Has she just gone Whitney-and-Bobby Crazy?
  
• Rick McKay: He is, by far, the worst blogger ever. Rick came over my place about a month ago or so and wanted to start a blog. I helped him set it up. Now he has one. The man has, not counting titles, two words written since his blog's inception. Two. One, two. Actually, I haven't checked it in a long time. Let's see. Yep. Two words. I guess he just really busy these days.

That's all I have to say about that.

Let Me Blog You Something

Bro, let me tell you:
http://www.a-mazing.blogspot.com/

And Now For Something Completely Different

I first brought the world it's first electronical glimpse to Ricky's head in a one time only series.

Slightly unnerved but strangely riveted, the world has been clamoring for a more complete view.

So, without further ado, I bring you (drumroll please) ...............The World According to Rick!

I Don't Even Hate the Knicks Anymore

The NY Knickerbockers are currently sporting a 4-8 record. A .333 winning percentage.

Watching from about age 12 - 22 was a lot of fun. They never won it all, largely because of Michael Jordan's dominance, but they were always a gritty team you could get behind.

Starting with the Patrick Ewing trade it all went downhill. Mostly because of awful cap management (seriously, Scott Layden could work in George W's budget office) but also due to draft picks like that French guy Frederic Weiss, they began a rather quick decline.

The last few years, I have found myself filled with hatred for them. Last year's early optimism was only cause for more loathing.

At this point, I'm all frustrated out. They suck. The players suck, the coach sucks, the GM sucks (and the last two are the same person) - but most of all, and most importantly the owner sucks.

They're terrible, there isn't much sign of a brighter future as long as Isiah and Dolan are there.

Marbury is an asshole, I thinkwe can all agree, and this back-court of him and Francis isn't working.

I don't even watch anymore. They're a boring and shitty team. I sort of find myself hoping they'll just be terrible this year so we can fire Isiah and get rid of these asshole, except for the second team, which is pretty fun to watch (Lee, Robinson and Balkman).

I'm at the point, where I'm not even mad anymore - and some of you probably remember my Allan Houston rant of '05.

New York Knicks, meet apathy. Apathy, New York Knicks. I hope you get along, as you will most likely be spending some quality time together.

My New Favorite Website

Is PerezHilton.com

It's a fun blog/website. Perez Hilton is, a gay spanish dude from Miami. I assume he lives in L.A. now but wherever he lives he's pretty entertaining as a mid-day procrastination tool for a few reasons:

1. He updates his site numerous times a day. It seems like once an hour or two there is a new story on there.
2. He often breaks the celebrity gossip 'news' first. The term news is used rather lightly, of course.
3. He's mean. Let's admit it, seeing someone funny make fun of someone else (assuming it's not us) is often quite entertaining. Perez, for some reason hates Jennifer Aniston, Kirsten Dunst and various other celebrities. He outs people a lot. He accuses people of using drugs and doing all kinds of stuff.
   
4. He doesn't censor himself at all. Come on, don't you want to see Lindsay Lohan's vagina? (Keep scrolling down.)
   

You looked, didn't you? Thought so.

Us Weekly, used to be my favorite gossip site, but Perez is definitely better.

Salvaging whatever manhood I have left after the above, Bill Simmons is probably the best writer/blogger around. He's dope. He'll start off talking about the Giants or whomever and go into a prolonged analytical discussion about Seinfeld or a comparison of Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino. Highly interesting. Unfortunately, though, he only writes about two columns a week.

Jumping back to more conventional print, last week was John Tierney's, a columnist for the New York Times last op-ed column. He wrote the he is resigning because he wanted to go back to the Science Times section. Yeah, OK John. In any case, good riddance to him. He was horrendous. He was supposed to fill in as a conservative voice when William Safire retired. Turns out he was just a boring pussy. I'd much rather see a real conservative that makes me think, personally. I don't think they've picked a replacement yet. It will be interesting to see that choice.

Hey, John - Fucking Go Away!

Will John Kerry, please just shut the fuck up?

John, you lost. You had it handed to you on a golden platter and you voted against it, before you voted for it.

Yesterday, Kerry said something to the effect of: "Study and get good grades or else you'll end up stuck in Iraq". Now, apparently, he mangled a joke that was meant to say essentially, "Study hard or you'll end up getting us stuck in Iraq". A coworker of mine told me he heard the whole speech and there it was pretty clear as to what he meant despite the poor joke-telling. Even still, Kerry has managed to give the Republicans and Bush a sound bite to harp on just as they are poised to lost Congress. However, in this sound-bite world it really doesn't matter. This will play out in thousands of voters minds as John Kerry, the Democratic nominee for President said that soldiers are dumb."

Now, John, I know you didn't mean to do anything wrong but FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!!!

FUCKING GROW A BEARD, GO TEACH SOME GRADUATE COURSES FOR FIVE YEARS AND COME BACK AS AN ELDERSTATEMEN!!!

John, it's over. Fucking know when to fold ' em.

Der Administration

I try to avoid posting articles on the blog, but I have to put this one up.
I have to make note of the fact this was on progressive.com but if it's basically factual, this is pretty horrendous. In the great scheme of things, this is not up there with Iraq and Katrina but just a little reminder of just how out of control our current administration is:

Criticizing Cheney to His Face Is Assault?

By Matthew Rothschild

October 4, 2006

Steve Howards says he used to fantasize about what he’d say to President Bush or Vice President Cheney if he ever got the chance.

That opportunity arrived on June 16, the same day he says he read about U.S. fatalities in Iraq reaching 2,500.

“Initially, I walked past him. Then I said to myself, ‘I can’t in good conscience let this opportunity pass by.’ So I approached him, I got about two feet away, and I said in a very calm tone of voice, ‘Your policies in Iraq are reprehensible.’”

Howards says he was taking two of his kids to their Suzuki piano camp in Beaver Creek, Colorado. They were walking across the outdoor public mall area when all of a sudden he saw Cheney there.

“I didn’t even know he was in town,” Howards says. “He was walking through the area shaking hands. Initially, I walked past him. Then I said to myself, ‘I can’t in good conscience let this opportunity pass by.’ So I approached him, I got about two feet away, and I said in a very calm tone of voice, ‘Your policies in Iraq are reprehensible.’ And then I walked away.”

Howards says he knew the Administration has a “history of making problems” for people who protest its policies, so he wanted to leave off at that.

But the Secret Service did not take kindly to his comment.“About ten minutes later, I came back through the mall with my eight-year-old son in tow,” Howards recalls, “and this Secret Service man came out of the shadows, and his exact words were, ‘Did you assault the Vice President?’ ”

Here’s how Howards says he responded: “No, but I did tell Mr. Cheney the way I felt about the war in Iraq, and if Mr. Cheney wants to be shielded from public criticism, he should avoid public places. If exercising my constitutional rights to free speech is against the law, then you should arrest me.”

Which is just what the agent, Virgil D. “Gus” Reichle Jr, proceeded to do.

“He grabbed me and cuffed my hands behind my back in the presence of my eight-year-old son and told me I was being charged with assault of the Vice President,”Howards recalls.

He says he told the agent, “I can’t abandon my eight-year-old son in a public mall.”

According to Howards, Reichle responded: “We’ll call Social Services.” Before that could happen, however, “my son ran away and found my wife,” who was nearby, Howards says.

“First of all, I was scared,” Howard recalls. “They wouldn’t tell my wife where they were taking me. Second of all, I was incredulous this could be happening in the United States of America. This is what I read about happening in Tiananmen Square. They hauled me away to Eagle County jail and kept me with my hands cuffed behind my back for three hours.”

At the jail, the charge against him was reduced to harassment, he says, and he was released on $500 bond. The Eagle County DA’s office eventually dropped that charge.

On October 3, Howards sued Reichle for depriving him of his First Amendment right of free speech and his Fourth Amendment right to be protected from illegal seizure.

Howards and his attorney, David Lane, have not demanded a specific dollar amount.

“We will go to trial and let a Colorado jury decide what type of damages are appropriate,” says Howards. “This isn’t about anything I did. This about what I said. There is a frontal assault occurring on our constitutional right to free speech. We brought this suit because of our belief that this Administration’s attempt to suppress free speech is a greater threat to the long-term integrity of this nation than ten Osama bin Ladens.”

Reichle did not return my call for comment. Nor did he respond to The New York Times in its article on this incident.

Lon Garner, special agent in charge at the Secret Service’s Denver office, says he has “no reaction” to the lawsuit. “It’s in litigation,” he says. “We have no comment.”

Before his encounter with Cheney, Howards says he had a clean record.

“I was never arrested before,” he says. “I don’t have so much as a speeding ticket.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The court filings

Eh

A few month ago, I read about how Jessica Simpson was hooking up with some guy Dane Cook. I had no idea who he was. Turns out, apparently he's a comedian. In the opinion of many, a good one, too.
My friend Brian, recently wed, gave it his customary 'three thumbs up'. A few other people were also fairly enthusiastic about this guy.
So, when his special 'Vicious Circle' showed up on HBO On Demand - I turned it on, eager to be amused.
The name Dayne wasn't all Ron and Cook had in common. Both were built up to be dope by many but turned out to be less than that in reality.
A few laughs, but he just wasn't that funny. My impressions: everyone there screamed and cheered and seemed to be really enjoying themselves; he definitely played up to the women in the audience, who seemed to love that; he seemed to laugh at almost ALL of his own jokes but his material just wasn't that great; he (and his audience) seemed super New England-y. His whole ten minute riff on crying was kind of stupid, he basically stole the whole cheating section from Chris Rock and the whole thing about him doing "B&E"'s just seemed dumb.
An underwhelming experience. He wasn't terrible, just not that great. Maybe had he not been built up beforehand, it would have been more satisfying of a viewing.

son of a BITCH!!!

Unbelievable.
Many of you read my last post about my run-in while replacing my defective Motorola phone this past Tuesday.
The saga has not yet ended. Today, I walked home, cooked dinner and for perhaps the first time ever decided to do laundry for a second day in a row. In that load of laundry, I included the pants I wore to work today. Along with some other stuff, I threw my pants in and took batch of laundry down to the basement. A girl in my building was down there so I couldn't do it right away. Once upstairs, I half heartedly looked for my phone but could not find it. Now I often temporarily misplace things such as my keys, glasses and, yes, my phone. Normally, whatever I can't find is on my bed or the floor or something like that so it's not something I really get worked up about.
The girl from my building knocked on my door and advised she was done with the washer. As I went downstairs, I thought to myself "I better check my pants to make sure my phone is not there". After a cursory pat-down of my just-worn pants evidenced no cellular phone, I threw the laundry into the washing machine and headed upstairs. Soon after a more thorough search, I began to get worried. I checked the usual spots - the counter, the bathroom, the dresser, the floor and then called - hoping I could hear it ring, or at least vibrate - nothing. I called the deli I stopped at for quarters - no phone. I retraced my steps back to the deli - nope. I asked the guy, whom I had just called (using my land-line) if he had, perhaps located my phone - you no dice. I walked home, with my eyes fixated to the pavement and sidewalk. Is that it? Nope, a piece of dog shit. How about that? Tin foil. By this time my laundry was sure to be done.
I walked downstairs and pulled out all of my clothes and what do I find on the bottom of the machine? Yep, my motherfucking phone.
Fuck me.
Luckily, I have the phone insured.
For those of you keeping track at home, since re-upping my contract and getting this model I have lost it, had it die and, now washed it.
My insurance is now dead because I've used it twice within twelve months.
Son of a bitch.

The Verizon Monologues

A few months ago, I got a new cell phone - a Motorola. The silver one, at least in the middle, with the black rubber-ish stuff around the sounds. I don't like it. At least my first two. The first one, I lost and the second one just died. You have to shut it off to plug it in before you charge it or it doesn't charge right. That really annoys me, even though I realize it's not that big of a deal.
Anyway, today I went back to the Verizon store to return it. I gave it to the guy and he looked at it for a while, then went away, then came back and said he'd be a little while and disappeared again.
Bored, I started to wander and browse phones. I have to say, there aren't many cool cell phones out these days. I guess the LG Chocolate is OK but it's a little girlie or something. Anyway, as I was walking around this woman walks in. She was late-40s or so, bleach bonde hair and in excellent shape. Not great shape, like' she's really hot but like great shape, like too great of shape and too-thin and old enough that her skin was a little saggy. Certainly too saggy for the short-shorts and tank top she had on. After noticing her for maybe a second or two, I continued to wander. Soon after the guy with my phone came back so I walked up to the desk again. Between the beginning of my wandering and the guy coming back, I guess a line had formed but I took little notice.
The guy comes back, I walk up to the desk and he starts talking. A moment after that, the older-bleach-blonde-in-shape-but-to-skinny-and-saggy lady is yelling at me about "There's a line here!!!! You can't just cut!!!". I think some expletives got in. Me and the guy are like, "I [he] was here. She continued to yell so, in my diplomatic way, said - "I was already here, so why don't you just get the fuck out of my face". In the nicest possible way, of course. Then she says, "I wasn't the one who care, she was!" while pointing at this other lady. I said, "well, you're the one screaming at me", to which she replied "that's because I'm more aggressive!!"
At this point, I'm thinking 'who the fuck is the bitch?' but realize I don't want to lose it in this store. Calmly (but not being able to help myself from being slightly antagonistic, admittedly) say something to the effect of OK, just get out of my face Ma'am. OK, that's not what I said but I'm going with that (I was calm though).
Now, she's really pissed. "Gay Boy!! Gay Boy!!" When that got no response, she went with "You're Fat!!! No one wants you FATTY!!!"
I turned to her and said, "Come on, you can do better than that, can't you?" She looked at me dumbfounded. "You can be more creative can't you, Iggy Pop?"
She went nuts with a string of expletives, clearly she had gotten the reference and was not amused. This gave me great satisfaction.
So I just ignored her and went about my business. She continued to yell at the lady helping her about how important she was and she missed a business call and things like that.
The guy informed me that the phone was broken (duh) and that I should come back in a few hours. I said thanks and turned to leave. The woman had kind of calmed down.
I know I shouldn't have.
I know.
"Hope everything works out with your phone, Iggy", with a warm smile.
I chuckled to myself as walked out to the sweet sound of four letter words screamed in my direction.

If you don't know who Iggy Pop is you probably don't think this is a funny story. Perhaps this will help: http://www.iggypop.com/

YOGURT!! YOGURT!! YOGURT!!

As many of you know I haven't blogged now for many, many moons.

Wading back in to this e-pool can be a bit intimidating, do I write a serious post explaining my absence? Not acknowledg it at all? Or just write a random post about a not terribly earth-shattering subject?

What is Option C, Alex?

Yogurt has been one of those food's that I've always just known I've hated. Nasty. Dried up milk. Bacteria-laden waste.

All of the above, or so I thought during the first 28 or so years I've spent on this earth.

I am here to tell you today, ladies and gentelmen I have been wrong.

Yogurt is dope.

Try it, it's like ice-cream, without the ice.

Or the cream.

A hearty and nutritious snack, believe or not.

I Think I Can Hear the Ocean

Game Six & RBI Baseball

As a NY Mets fan growing up, the Mets winning the World Series in 1986 was the greatest thing ever to me at the time. Game Six of that World Series, in particular, was a highlight of my youth - and still is even today. My aunt Susan was baby-sitting me (my parents were in California) and she let me stay up to watch the game even though it was a Sunday Night. I vividly recall running around and around my house with her when Mookie Wilson hit that ground ball in between Bill Buckner's legs.
At about that time, one of my favorite video games was RBI baseball.

That being said, you can imagine how great this is to me - Game Six (with the real commentary) but played out on in RBI Baseball video game form: http://www.sandiegoserenade.com/2006/04/1986_world_series_game_6_reena.html

Non-Courtesy Laughers

This is a post about 'non-courtesy laughers' from my friend Nat's website. I couldn't agree more(http://va-gentlemen.tripod.com/home/index.blog?entry_id=1446987):


I don’t like non-courtesy laughers. See, usually when I make a comment- whether it be an attempt at humor or just an observation on life- it elicits a chuckle or a “yeah.” But not with non-courtesy laughers. All they offer is a blank stare- a mute slap in my face.
A month ago I would have looked at this issue introspectively, asking why? What’s wrong with me? Am I not even mildly amusing? Have I been living a courtesy laugh lie my whole life? Do they think they’re that much better than I that they won’t feign even the slightest acknowledgement?
Thanks to a month of therapy and Wellbutrin, though, I can see that there’s something wrong with THEM. Simply put, the non-courtesy laugher is discourteous. They don’t care about the feelings of others. I have often wondered how I end up in the presence non-courtesy laughers. Why would I choose to hang out with individuals who don't respect my emotions? Alas, I have had little choice in the matter. I recently realized most of them either go to my law school or are related to my girlfriend. Indeed, non-courtesy laughers are extremely difficult to avoid. I must now learn how to cope with the discourtesy of the non-courteous laugher. Up until now my solution has been not to talk. I just sit there offering nothing but own courtesy laughs (because I’M courteous and I care about other people’s feelings).
Not anymore my friends. From now on, when someone denies me a courtesy laugh, I will up the distasteful ante. I will pay the discourteous sensibilities of the non-courtesy laugher a Nasty visit, one that will offer no choice but to acknowledge my commentary. Yes, I will fight discourtesy with discourtesy- my triumph in their undeniable reaction. In the end, I’d rather be outwardly loathed than dismissed. Nobody, and I mean nobody who knows what’s good for them, will deny Sir Nasty Natroneus his courtesy laugh again. In reaction I find solace and in loathing lies my sweet victory.

My Personality Type (According to 25 Questions on a Website)

*I stole this from Jerry (http://chuckjerry.blogspot.com/2006/03/ill-bet-you-didnt-know.html)

Find out your personality at: http://www.blogthings.com/typeaquiz/