A Bad Dream

Last night, my girlfriend Ioana and I saw 'Dreamgirls' in Newport Mall right here in Jersey City. If you're having trouble with that name, it's pronounced Joana. Really, it's Romanian and it's pronounced 'you-wanna'. OK, not exactly but I can't pronounce it right in Romanian so I just say Joana. Sometimes I call her Iona just to get a rise out of her. I digress.
Anyway, so I bought the tickets, met up with my better half (scoring a point or two if she's reading) and went to the movie.
Now, we walk into the theater and it's about 60% full. The theater, though, is small. The screen felt like a big plasma screen TV. We pick a seat and sit.
Not long after the movie starts, this girl to our left calls her friend on her phone and proceeds to have a long conversation on speaker phone. Not to be undone, her boyfriend whips out his blackberry and starts waving it around, checking emails and making his own calls. During one of 'Effie's' (played by Jennifer Hudson, the new media darling) songs, the guy behind decided he wanted to get in on all the fun. He started to add his own loud whistels (the two hand in the mouth kind) punctuated with some 'UH!!!!!'s, 'YEAH!!!!'s and 'YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!'s. A baby started crying soon after, followed by more phone calls from the power couple to the left, to the left. It was completely ridiculous, I think I saw a twister game break out in the corner. A-mazing. At one point, I turned to Ioana and said, loud enough to be heard, 'are we in the movie or the zoo? These people are acting like animals.' She got upset and said something about me making the situation worse. She then turned to the sixteen year old girl and said, 'Excuse me can you stop talking on the phone?' The girl looked at her with a like she had been told that no one is allowed to wear shoes in theater effective immediately. She sort of quieted down for a while but then started up again. I was reaching the explosion point. I'm pretty relaxed, but when I get to the point where I'm pissed I get like beyond reason, beyond good taste and beyond all reasonable levels of vengeance pissed. I was almost there. I was making plans, I had just the right insults for the gangster-blackberry guy and just the right trajectory worked out for his girlfriend's phone - I think I could have caught the whistler's head and still hit the wall hard enough to have broken it. Anyway, I'm sitting there steaming, Big Pun is on his blackberry, the guy behind me is yelling and whistling, babies are crying and I turn to Ioana and say 'OK, time to leave.' She refused and again goes to would-be JLo and Marc Antony and says 'We're in a movie, why are you talking?' The girl replies, indignant, 'because I wanted to talk to my friend'. You got the sense that it didn't even occur to her that it was inappropriate. My girlfriend said, 'OK but I paid money to be here and I just want to watch this movie and hear what they say'. Again, the logic was lost on them. Ioana may have well been speaking Romanian by the look on their faces. This was followed by a 'YEA!!!!, UHHH!!!! ALRIGHT!!!' from behind us. I just started laughing, having reached the 'acceptance' point of the situation. The movie pretty much went on like this, as if everyone was in their own 'Choose Your Own Adventure' experience. It ended, we left, my girlfriend complained to the manager and we got our money back, which was nice.
Anyway, I bring this up because maybe it colored my experience but this movie has been getting a LOT of press. Everyone is indignant that it didn't get best picture. Jennifer Hudson is getting talk for 'best actress' or was it supporting actress? Awards awards awards!
I'm here to tell that it just wasn't that good. Here's why:

• It was too long. At the end I just wanted to fucking thing to be over. Keep in mind the aforementioned Carnival in which it was viewed, maybe that is why but I don't think it was the only reason.
• They couldn't decide if it was a musical or a movie about music. Here's what I mean: you've seen musicals before, right? OK. You have to suspend disbelief. It's ok that the guy at the restaurant is singing 3 verses about wanting, say, bacon and eggs. You just accept it. The dialogue is overdone. Whatever. In a regular movie, usually the scenes are realistic, you feel like the conversations sounds like conversations. This movie bounced back and forth. For the most part it was a movie about music but like two or three times they'd just break out in song. It just didn't feel like it worked.
• I feel like I should have more bullet points now that I've started them but it was OK. Pretty good. That's it. Eddie Murphy was very good and could sing pretty well. He was in the movie for maybe 20 minutes. Effie - Hudson, has a great voice. I mean really great. Beyonce is hot and she was good, Jamie Fox was good. Everyone was good. The plot was very cliche and it mostly worked itself from song to song and that was pretty much it. It was definitely not an injustice that this didn't get nominated for an Oscar.

So what's my point? I'm not sure but I guess: Newport Theater is a shitty place to see a movie and the movie gets a solid 'B'. Fairly entertaining, nothing that special. Yawn.

Gilbert Arenas' Shoe Commercial

This would be a pretty funny commercial.

In his own words, this is Gilbert's 'vision' for his own shoe commercial:

"You know how I always throw my jersey into the stands after a game? In Washington, they just go crazy for it. So in this commercial, that's what I'm gonna do with my shoes. I've just hit a game winner, and I throw these shoes. Everyone starts to react, and you see everything in slow motion. Everyone's pushing, shoving, doing whatever it takes to try to get to these shoes. People from the 400 level, they're jumping off the ledge, they're missing the pile, hitting nothing but chairs, and you can just see in people's faces like, Ooooh, that hurt. While all this stuff's going on, one of the shoes pops out of the crowd, and a little girl gets it and she takes off. A couple of people see she has it, and they start chasing her, and she's looking back running—and then she gets clotheslined by a kid in a wheelchair. So he picks the shoe up and says—he's gonna have the only line in there—"They said I couldn't get it. Heh. Impossible is nothing." And then he rolls off."

And On The Third Day He Blogged Again

Last night after work, I headed to the village to meet up with my good friend Hasdai at the Art Bar on Eithgh Avenue between Horatio and Jane Streets.
I just had a hell of a time trying to spell eighth. I find as I get older my spelling abilities decline.
I digress.
While there, I hung out with two of Hasdai's friends - Faith and Kate. Actually, Faith was his friend and Kate was Faith's friend. Maybe Kate is now his friend but I guess you'd have to ask Hasdai or Kate. Maybe Faith would know, too. I'm not friends with any of these people but Hasdai but the other two seemed nice and they lived in Jersey City.
Anyway we all convinced Faith she should have a blog and now she does, so you should check it out: boo-yakasha!
Kate also has one but she's apparently a blog snob and I don't have access. You can try to read it by following this link: https://www2.blogger.com/blogin.g?blogspotURL=http%3A%2F%2Fanteriorcommissure.blogspot.com%2F

Isn't It Ironic?

“Victory will not look like the ones our fathers and grandfathers achieved. There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship.”

-President George W. Bush

I'm completely stealing this from my friend Hasdai's blog - which is about a million times more sophisticated and than mine and you should check it out if you haven't already.
I couldn't believe Dubway said this, I mean did the image of him declaring victory on a battleship not pass through everyone's minds as he made the above statement?

Kicking Off 2007 With Some Not-So-Deep Thoughts

It's a new year and I haven't gotten around to blogging in 2007 yet.
I seem to have come down with the plague, leaving me with nothing but free time on this long weekend to wax philosophical on my only world-wide-venue.
I have some random thoughts I'd like to share and then I have some more lengthy things that I will devote entire entries to later on.
But first, things of little consequence:

• Justin Timberlake: I've always considered this guy a bitch. Mickey Mouse Club. N-Sync. Getting "Punk'd". Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. See the thing is the guy is obviously such a cornball, which I don't have a problem with really but he tries to act like he's mad hard. Case in point, when he was 'Punk'd'. Justin comes home to find everything in his house was being seized by the government because his accountants didn't pay his taxes or whatever. JT flips out. But not like, he's going to fuck anyone up flipping out - more like Steve Erkel getting kicked in the balls. Anyway, he's whining and shit but then eventually Ashton Kutcher and his cameras come out and Justin turns all tough-guy "Yo, dawg! You had me trippin, yo! YouknowwhatI'msayin, kiiiid?!". Give me a break. Anyway, that being said - Sexyback is a great song. I have it on my mp3 player and I listen to it all the time. Well, not so much anymore but it definitely had song-of-the-week status for maybe two weeks. The guy is talented. His 'Dick in a Box' skit on Saturday Night Live is very funny. If you haven't seen it follow the link. Also, dumped Cameron Diaz and fucked Britney while she was hot.
  
• New Jerseyans are Retarded on Subways: I lived in New York City for over four years and spent hours upon hours on the 1/9 and 2/3 trains. Whatever. I moved here to Jersey City because I bought a condo and I work downtown in Manhattan, so now my commute is on the Journal Square/Newark to World Trade Center PATH (Port Authority Trans-Hudson, if you don't know, now you know) line. I was born and raised in Jersey and I do love my home state but people from here are fucking retarded on subways. First of all, they have no sense of spacing on the train. You look in a PATH car and it looks mad crowded but when you get it, you see mad people bunched up around the door but on the ends of the cars there is a ton of free real estate. Why don't they just move to where people aren't? I don't get it. It really confuses me. I mean if these same people were in an elevator together, I'm sure they'd spread out. Four of them wouldn't just be all up by the floor number buttons. Anyway, while that's confusing, it's not that bad because as someone that will go to open space it actually works to my advantage. What drives me crazy, though, is that people getting on the train don't understand that it is in everyone's best interest to let the people off the train before they get on. It really makes me furious. Here's how it goes: you're either end of the train; it stops; you start to make your way to the door; there are people to avoid but then when you get closer to the door people are just streaming in while you (and others) are trying to get off. It's like you're a running back but with no offensive line. You juke past the first person, spin around the next, side step the next but after that you put your head down and just ram through for the first down. People of New Jersey, what is wrong with you? Let the people off. Then you can get on. Is this hard?
• Sports: Now that the Knicks are horrendous, I really don't regularly watch many sports. I still enjoy them but I seem to prefer my sports in print. I love Bill Simmons. I read the NY Times Sports Page every day. I read CNN/Sports Illustrated and ESPN.com. So, I'm fairly well informed of happenings in the sports world but I don't really watch them. Is that unusual? Anyway, I don't know what the Giants were thinking. It seems to me that Coughlin lost this team. You get the feeling that the players all think he's just a big idiot and tuned him out. I don't know what they were thinking giving him an extension, except that they thought he deserved another year due to all the injuries and thought he wouldn't be respected if he was a lame duck. Also, Tiki Barber is a bitch. Fuck that guy. Now, I respect his right to retire, in fact I understand and commend him but why did he have to announce it? Why did he volunteer to the news media he didn't pay attention in team meetings? He wanted it to be a story, that's why. By the way, he's not going to be half as succesful as he thinks he is. You heard it hear first. For a football player, he's good on TV and radio, I'm sure. For a TV/radio star, does he cut it? I'm guessing no. I think Bill Simmons said, you'll see him on the preview channel in five years telling you not to check out the WE channell in that little box on the upper left hand corner with a look on his face like, 'man, I should have played a little longer." I mean is it really going to be that great being the fifth host of 'The View'? Granted, I haven't seen him much but that's just my gut feeling - we'll see. I don't know how to indent bullet points for sub-points, so this paragraph has too many thoughts for one paragraph. I'm like the James Joyce of the blogging world with this stream-of-consciousness thing going on right now. Moving on, the Mets were right to not sign Barry Zito. Omar Minaya was right to walk away, he got way too much money which may end being bad for Zito because it creates unrealistic expectations. He got Roger Clemens in his prime money but he's really Andy Petitte at best. Speaking of Petitte, the Yankees are looking better and better. Now that George Steinbrenner is spending most of his time in Tampa Bay eating baby food, Brian Cashman is going to get their house in order. They've got the money and if they have the discipline, they're going to put together some very good teams that will win championships. Remember, their dynasty of the 1990s was built when 'The Boss' was away on suspension. The Knicks suck. I don't know their record right now. I don't care. Eddy Curry was The Man for about a week and a half. They're going to do well enough to make the playoffs in the Atlantic Division which just may be the worst division in all of sports and Isaiah is going to keep his job. The fight with Denver wasn't that bad and it got way too much attention. Carmelo really bitched out. Not because he got into the fight but because he smacked Mardy Collins and ran away. Ew. I don't mean to snitch, but that was a real pussy move.
  
• Britney Has Lost Her Mind: What is going on here? Doesn't she have people telling her to chill out? Can't see just have people go to her house and get wasted there? I mean, she knows the paparazzi is going to follow her around? Does she enjoy being in these magazines? Has she just gone Whitney-and-Bobby Crazy?
  
• Rick McKay: He is, by far, the worst blogger ever. Rick came over my place about a month ago or so and wanted to start a blog. I helped him set it up. Now he has one. The man has, not counting titles, two words written since his blog's inception. Two. One, two. Actually, I haven't checked it in a long time. Let's see. Yep. Two words. I guess he just really busy these days.

That's all I have to say about that.