son of a BITCH!!!

Unbelievable.
Many of you read my last post about my run-in while replacing my defective Motorola phone this past Tuesday.
The saga has not yet ended. Today, I walked home, cooked dinner and for perhaps the first time ever decided to do laundry for a second day in a row. In that load of laundry, I included the pants I wore to work today. Along with some other stuff, I threw my pants in and took batch of laundry down to the basement. A girl in my building was down there so I couldn't do it right away. Once upstairs, I half heartedly looked for my phone but could not find it. Now I often temporarily misplace things such as my keys, glasses and, yes, my phone. Normally, whatever I can't find is on my bed or the floor or something like that so it's not something I really get worked up about.
The girl from my building knocked on my door and advised she was done with the washer. As I went downstairs, I thought to myself "I better check my pants to make sure my phone is not there". After a cursory pat-down of my just-worn pants evidenced no cellular phone, I threw the laundry into the washing machine and headed upstairs. Soon after a more thorough search, I began to get worried. I checked the usual spots - the counter, the bathroom, the dresser, the floor and then called - hoping I could hear it ring, or at least vibrate - nothing. I called the deli I stopped at for quarters - no phone. I retraced my steps back to the deli - nope. I asked the guy, whom I had just called (using my land-line) if he had, perhaps located my phone - you no dice. I walked home, with my eyes fixated to the pavement and sidewalk. Is that it? Nope, a piece of dog shit. How about that? Tin foil. By this time my laundry was sure to be done.
I walked downstairs and pulled out all of my clothes and what do I find on the bottom of the machine? Yep, my motherfucking phone.
Fuck me.
Luckily, I have the phone insured.
For those of you keeping track at home, since re-upping my contract and getting this model I have lost it, had it die and, now washed it.
My insurance is now dead because I've used it twice within twelve months.
Son of a bitch.

The Verizon Monologues

A few months ago, I got a new cell phone - a Motorola. The silver one, at least in the middle, with the black rubber-ish stuff around the sounds. I don't like it. At least my first two. The first one, I lost and the second one just died. You have to shut it off to plug it in before you charge it or it doesn't charge right. That really annoys me, even though I realize it's not that big of a deal.
Anyway, today I went back to the Verizon store to return it. I gave it to the guy and he looked at it for a while, then went away, then came back and said he'd be a little while and disappeared again.
Bored, I started to wander and browse phones. I have to say, there aren't many cool cell phones out these days. I guess the LG Chocolate is OK but it's a little girlie or something. Anyway, as I was walking around this woman walks in. She was late-40s or so, bleach bonde hair and in excellent shape. Not great shape, like' she's really hot but like great shape, like too great of shape and too-thin and old enough that her skin was a little saggy. Certainly too saggy for the short-shorts and tank top she had on. After noticing her for maybe a second or two, I continued to wander. Soon after the guy with my phone came back so I walked up to the desk again. Between the beginning of my wandering and the guy coming back, I guess a line had formed but I took little notice.
The guy comes back, I walk up to the desk and he starts talking. A moment after that, the older-bleach-blonde-in-shape-but-to-skinny-and-saggy lady is yelling at me about "There's a line here!!!! You can't just cut!!!". I think some expletives got in. Me and the guy are like, "I [he] was here. She continued to yell so, in my diplomatic way, said - "I was already here, so why don't you just get the fuck out of my face". In the nicest possible way, of course. Then she says, "I wasn't the one who care, she was!" while pointing at this other lady. I said, "well, you're the one screaming at me", to which she replied "that's because I'm more aggressive!!"
At this point, I'm thinking 'who the fuck is the bitch?' but realize I don't want to lose it in this store. Calmly (but not being able to help myself from being slightly antagonistic, admittedly) say something to the effect of OK, just get out of my face Ma'am. OK, that's not what I said but I'm going with that (I was calm though).
Now, she's really pissed. "Gay Boy!! Gay Boy!!" When that got no response, she went with "You're Fat!!! No one wants you FATTY!!!"
I turned to her and said, "Come on, you can do better than that, can't you?" She looked at me dumbfounded. "You can be more creative can't you, Iggy Pop?"
She went nuts with a string of expletives, clearly she had gotten the reference and was not amused. This gave me great satisfaction.
So I just ignored her and went about my business. She continued to yell at the lady helping her about how important she was and she missed a business call and things like that.
The guy informed me that the phone was broken (duh) and that I should come back in a few hours. I said thanks and turned to leave. The woman had kind of calmed down.
I know I shouldn't have.
I know.
"Hope everything works out with your phone, Iggy", with a warm smile.
I chuckled to myself as walked out to the sweet sound of four letter words screamed in my direction.

If you don't know who Iggy Pop is you probably don't think this is a funny story. Perhaps this will help: http://www.iggypop.com/

YOGURT!! YOGURT!! YOGURT!!

As many of you know I haven't blogged now for many, many moons.

Wading back in to this e-pool can be a bit intimidating, do I write a serious post explaining my absence? Not acknowledg it at all? Or just write a random post about a not terribly earth-shattering subject?

What is Option C, Alex?

Yogurt has been one of those food's that I've always just known I've hated. Nasty. Dried up milk. Bacteria-laden waste.

All of the above, or so I thought during the first 28 or so years I've spent on this earth.

I am here to tell you today, ladies and gentelmen I have been wrong.

Yogurt is dope.

Try it, it's like ice-cream, without the ice.

Or the cream.

A hearty and nutritious snack, believe or not.

I Think I Can Hear the Ocean