I Have Nothing to Say But it's OK (Good Morning! Good Morning!)

OK, so I don't have anything in particular to say today but it's been long while, shouldn't-a-left-you without a dope blog to pro-crastinate-to.
The Mets look like they're coming together, which is pretty dope. You know why I just thought of that? Because Dave is yelling about it while he's peeing. Yep. Apparently, the toilet is broken too. Dave's pretty tossed. Jokingly, I said - "Man, you must have had three tonight" to which Dave responded, "Yep, you're right!" The man gets drunk easily, what can you say?

You know what I don't get? In Mississippi and New Orleans there are mad people on the tops of their houses crying and all freaked out and whatnot. Don't you just want to say, "Hey, asshole - they TOLD you this hurricane was coming, 90% of the people left, why didn't you just bounce like everyone else?" Well, I do at least. I mean, it's not like an earthquake or a tsunami or anything sudden like that. If I'm standing in the street and I see a car streaking down the street two blocks away, I get out of the street. Sure, it may stop or miss me but it's just so much more sensible to get out of the way.

I guess maybe if you're mad old or mad poor and have nowhere to go I could sort of understand, but you're still mad old and/or mad poor but now you're also MAD wet.

The World's Ugliest Dog

MC Scatt Prince?

Today at the gym, Paula Abdul's Nineteen Ninety Something hit "Opposites Attract" came on and I noticed that MC Scat Cat sounded remarkably like Will Smith.
I haven't done any googling of this or anything, though.

On "Fives"

Remember when you were a teenager and you got up to do something and you wanted to save your seat? You called 'fives' and no one could take your seat for five minutes. I don't remember doing it much but I was certainly aware of the concept.
Anyway, when my friend Rick got his own place at age 20 or 21 - it instantly become the coolest abode to hang out in as it was not his parents and we could therefore engage in activities not acceptable in our parents houses. His prize possession in the house was this big 'L' shaped couch that was actually very nice. The thing about the 'L' shaped couch was that all seats were good yet slightly unequal (you could get stuck on a corner talking to someone that was boring). Rick was a proponent of the "fives" rule and used it frequently. Of course, because Rick lived there he had the ultimate advantage - he was there first and then could choose the seat of his liking (usually the seat in the middle of the 'L' shaped couch) - and he exercised it often. As an aside, Rick was always a big fan of the "it's my house" defense in our younger years.
I always thought this was a bit much so when Dave and I got our own place in Manhattan I suggested a "No Fives" policy in our living room. Dave was all for it and, thus, by a vote of 2-0 it became the law of the land - or at least our 5'x8' living room. It has been well received by the general body of folk that have come and gone through our living rooms over the last few years and for the most part has been adopted by my group of friends as the accepted way of dealing with the seating arrangement.
It is a better way handling seating in a living room for two reasons: 1. because if you are the last person at a gathering you are not religated to the worst seat in the house, and 2. (which was not really not foreseen) it really mixes up the room socially - put 8 people in a living room in the same seats and you're probably going to talk to the same 2 or 3 all night - but if everyone up-grades a seat it will shuffle who you are sitting next to, thus ensuring that more interactions will ensue.
Rick still contends that, and this is my interpretation of his argument, continuity trumps the right for a better seat. If you're watching a movie or having a conversation you shouldn't have to give that up just because you have to pee or get a beer.
I prefer the market based approach. Let's say you have the dope recliner leather chair but you want another beer. Well, is the opportunity cost too great? Should you get the beer and lose your seat or hang out and gamble on when someone else will get up and be able to get you a beer? The cost of a beer is your seat, do you want to pay?
Rick seems to believe that all seats are created equal, yet all sitters are not.
We at 209 West 108th Street, however, believe firmly that while all seats are not created equal - all sitters are.
Now, I'm not sure I'm prepared to say Rick's way is morally reprehensible but I am prepared to say our way is superior. We also make exceptions for extreme cases such Chaberski-Testa Dining Act of 2005 that declared that while eating you cannot lose your seat as long as your meal lasts for a reasonable amount of time (upheld in a 2-1 split decision with Chaberski and Testa in the majority and Strauss dissenting).

Thoughts, comments, concerns?

The Fucking Knicks Fucking Suck

What a bunch of fucking idiots. I don't think at this point I'm able to intelligently and politely express my feelings about the Knicks choice to not cut Allan Houston with the one-time-only Allan Houston Rule!
Isiah, are you fucking kidding me you little smiley faced bitch? I mean, really, it's the fucking Allan Houston Rule.
Will he get better? Maybe - but even if he returned to peak form he's still way overpaid. He's a jump-shooter and that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Well, except for the last two seasons, when he may as well have been hanging out with Frederic Weiss.
The only way this possibly makes sense is if they know he's going to retire, but that doesn't seem to be the case (from espn.com):

"He's working hard, trying to get back, and he believes one day he'll get back
to his original form," Thomas said. "This will be on Allan's timetable, and
we'll stand behind him as an organization. "When you have players that have been injured for some time, you have to find a way to move on and make the roster better. If Allan was to come back and regain his form, then it's an added bonus," Thomas said.

So, basically Isiah is saying, "Well, yea he sucks and he's hurt and he's overpaid AND we could take $40 million off the salary cap but we're not going to. Not because we expect him to get better or be able to contribute - we're proceeding as if he's not - we're just not. Just because. Try some of my popcorn."
You've got to be kidding me, Isiah. I know Dolan, who has got to be one of the worst owners in sports likes Houston, but grow a pair of nuts and tell him that it's stupid to keep this guy. Maybe Isiah isn't pussy, though, maybe he's just completely fucking stupid. I mean, it has to be one or the other. Well, maybe it isn't - maybe it's both.
The Nets can't get to Brooklyn fast enough, I don't know if I can root for these fucking dickheads anymore.

Pizza the Hut

I was in upstate New York with Rick this weekend and on our way to his parent's non-lakehouse (it's on a manmade lake whose dam apparently broke and caused the lake to dry out) we stopped at a Pizza Hut for dinner. A few reflections on my first Pizza Hut experience in years:

1. Damn, that shit is fattening. I mean, it's just soaked in grease. Oozing grease. The first, like three slices are dope, then you just kind of feel sick - kind of like eating Popeye's fried chicken.
2. It's better to eat there. We got take-out and Pizza Hut always loses somethign when you put it in the cardboard box. At the restaurant it's still mad fattening and greasy and shit but the big difference is the bottom crust of the pizza stays crispy - making it infinitely better.
3. Americans are pigs. I can't believe we eat this shit regularly. Pizza Hut was right next to McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King and all those types of places. How much do Americans spend of fast food anyway? I bet it's in the billions. Ew.
4. Upstate New York reminds me of Ohio. Anywhere that is sort of rural, has formerly nice old houses that are now run-down, an abundance of movie theaters, strip malls and mad poor white people reminds me of Ohio - where I went to college.
5. Back to the Pizza Hut experience - we got the cheezy crust or whatever it's called. I thought it sounded like a good idea but I wasn't such a fan.
6. I'm pretty ambivolent with regards to pepperoni. I like sausage as a topping on pizza better and I'd never order pizza by myself with pepperoni but most people seem to like pepperoni - I used to not eat pepperoni but I've learned to live with it.
7. Which makes me think of all the other food I used to hate but now, unlike pepperoni (which I can live with but have yet to fully embrace) really enjoy: mushrooms, potato salad, guacamole, sushi, mustard and pesto sauce. I also used to think scrambled eggs with ketchup was a terrible idea but it's not that bad.

I suppose I've rambled off-topic.

Jump! (Jump!) You Might as Well Jump! (Jump!)

Tuesday night I was watching TV with Ziad, Dave and Chris and we flipped to the Yankee game. Right about that moment, Derek Jeter laid down a bunt to the pitchers mound and was thrown out at first base but the announcer goes "and so and so fields and throws out - whoa, someone just fell out of the upper deck". What? Then the camera pans to the foul ball net where this Abercrombie & Fitch clad college aged kid is just sitting there, suspended in mid-air by the net, looking completely stunned. There was a big hole where his head must have punctured the net.
So, like a minute of him being dazed goes by and he sort of comes-to and then when it's clear he's not dead or seriously injured - the crowd gets into it. This what I love about New Yorkers, they have such a sense of humor. So everyone is like, "watch out for the hole!", "no, go back to the stands!" (when he was going toward the field). He groggily stands up and slowly starts clumsily walking - on the net - back to the stands. As he gets closer to the mezzanine, the crowd works itself up into a full-fledged roar.
There were a bunch of security guys and cops there who looked pissed-off as a motherfucker and as soon as this dude gets within arms length a cop grabs him by the back of the pants and lifts him the last few feet and holds him in midair by his pants for a few seconds - giving him what must have been an enormous wedgie and escorted him out.
Now, what sucked is that the YES network didn't show the replay of this guy falling out of his seat. Very disappointing.
Anyway, it turns out it was a bet. I read in the paper that he was saying he was going to jump to "see if the net could hold his weigh". Apparently he was standing up in the front row and his friends, soon followed by the rest of the section, started chanting "SIT OR JUMP! SIT OR JUMP! SIT OR JUMP!". Clearly he went with the latter.
I'll take dumb decisions for $500, Alex. It'll be a good story to tell when he's like 30, though.

Only in New York kids, only in New York. (Page six readers will get the reference.)

Stupid, On Many Levels

From CNN.com:

GREENVILLE, South Carolina (AP) -- South Carolina
Republicans say the Democrats owe them beer money.
In April, Anheuser-Busch
Co. -- based in St. Louis, Missouri -- wrote a $5,000 check intended for the
state Republican Party.
Instead, the envelope was addressed to the state
Democratic Party, which promptly deposited the money.
Now, state GOP leaders
say the South Carolina Democratic Party needs to return the beer money they are
owed.
Democrats say the check is in the mail.
Katja Zastrow,
Anheuser-Busch's regional director of governmental affairs in Washington, said
in an e-mail statement that the check went astray "through a series of
administrative oversights."
She said the company is working with both parties
to resolve the situation.
Democrats say they have sent a refund check back to
Anheuser-Busch: "Nobody should expect us to write a check to the Republican
Party," said Lachlan McIntosh, the Democratic Party's executive director.
The
GOP said the refund was sent only after it threatened a lawsuit.

I Think Kathy's Right

Kathy said...
I think it should be:"So, why have you
started?", asked Max. if you're quoting Max.Otherwise, you should just say:So,
why have I started? ...

If you didn't read another one of my earlier posts, then you don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe you should read my blog more often, punk.

I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T CAPITALIZE?

When I started my blog I set one sort of ground rule: that I don't capitalize. So why have I started, asked Max.*

That's a good question, Max - I think it's a little more aesthetically pleasing to read something that's properly punctuated.
I suppose a blog is a tad more formal than an email so I've started capitalizing.
I still don't capitalize person emails, though - but I generally do in work e-mail.


*For all you grammarians, should there be a question mark in this sentence? If so where? I mean, it's a question but the ...", asked max" no longer makes it a questions, I'm just quoting Max. I think that's right.

The Change-ling

Today on my way home I stopped off at a bodega to get a six-pack. It was $8.50 and I gave the guy $9 singles. I had a bunch of singles for some reason, I guess. So he takes the money and almost as an afterthought, he's like "Do you have ID?". Keep in mind this is a big old not very comprehensible spanish dude. So I say, "yeah". We're just standing there and I'm all like, "do you want to see it?" and he's all like "uh, yyyyeah" and I'm just like all like whattteverrrr so I give it to him, you know? (Inexplicable foray into valley girl talk). So having been satisfied that I'm of age, he turns, puts the stuff in a bag and along with the bag hands me....nine dollars and fivty cents. Then he walks away. At first I was like dope! But then my conscience kicked in and I gave it back to him. I would have felt pretty guilty for doing that, but I definitely thought about it for a second. Good old Catholic guilt making me do a mitzvah.
What would you do?

What Would Jesus Do?

One thing I never really understood about the Republican Party is the marriage of rich and religious. It seems that the two are kind of contradictory. Not necessarily that rich people can't be religious or even good people for that matter but policies favoring the rich - cutting the top 1%'s taxes - are not good for the poor.

Here's my ultra short version of The Bible, it's in two parts:

Part I - Don't worship other Gods

Part II - Be nice to poor people

In very broad strokes, that about sums it up. So since pretty much no one in America is polyeithistic, you'd the democrats would get religious vote because they are nicer to poor people.

Instead of WWJD, let's play HWJFATCDPCS - How Would Jesus Feel About These Current Day Political Controversial Subjects. OK, so:

• Abortion: I think it's safe to say that Jesus would be pro-life.
• Death Penalty: Probably safe to say anti-death-penaly.
• Gay Marriage: I think Jesus would be pro-gay marriage, I don't think he even discusses homosexuality in The Bible. Jesus was more laid back and cool than religious nuts.
• The War in Iraq: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....ixney on the arwey

Incidentally, The Bible skips like 10 years of Jesus' life...do you think he ever like got drunk or liked a girl (or dare I say kissed a girl)? What if you were Jesus' first kiss? I wonder if chicks liked him, I mean he was mad charismatic. Is this sacrilegious to say?

Haiku for Friday

When I poop at work
I hate when someone has peed
On the toilet seat

Eliot for Governor!

One thing I never get is why politicians just let it go when the MTA is clearly ripping the public off. If there is one thing New Yorkers will agree on it's that Carlos Beltran is overpaid...I mean it's that the MTA sucks.

Eliot Spitzer in today's Daily News:

"I'm very hesitant about what they're doing," Spitzer said yesterday when I asked about the transit agency's scheme to get into the real estate business. "Their track record doesn't inspire confidence. They can't build a tepee without having cost overruns."

I think he just got my vote.

D'oh!

I had a meeting today with a client so I figured I'd wear a suit.

I didn't fall asleep until like 1:30 AM, so I was pretty out of it this morning when I got dressed.

On the train I realized that my jacket and pants didn't match. Oops.

It didn't really matter because I just didn't wear the jacket or tie and the office I was going to was business casual anyway, as it turns out.

Still, that was pretty dumb of me.

Diet Coke

Growing up I only drank regular soda. Never diet, I hated the way it tasted. In fact, I think Jerry and I once made a pact to kill one another if they started drinking Diet Coke.
Now, however, I actually prefer it to regular coke. I worked at a bar right after college and I could have anything I wanted from the soft drink fountains and I'd drink like 12 pints of coke a day. I got kind of sick of it. Then at this place I used to work, Latiff & Associates, they only stocked the fridge with diet coke.
Now I only drink Diet Coke. Or diet anything for that matter - Pepsi, Sprite, etc. Caffeine free, though, still tastes disgusting.