The Verizon Monologues

A few months ago, I got a new cell phone - a Motorola. The silver one, at least in the middle, with the black rubber-ish stuff around the sounds. I don't like it. At least my first two. The first one, I lost and the second one just died. You have to shut it off to plug it in before you charge it or it doesn't charge right. That really annoys me, even though I realize it's not that big of a deal.
Anyway, today I went back to the Verizon store to return it. I gave it to the guy and he looked at it for a while, then went away, then came back and said he'd be a little while and disappeared again.
Bored, I started to wander and browse phones. I have to say, there aren't many cool cell phones out these days. I guess the LG Chocolate is OK but it's a little girlie or something. Anyway, as I was walking around this woman walks in. She was late-40s or so, bleach bonde hair and in excellent shape. Not great shape, like' she's really hot but like great shape, like too great of shape and too-thin and old enough that her skin was a little saggy. Certainly too saggy for the short-shorts and tank top she had on. After noticing her for maybe a second or two, I continued to wander. Soon after the guy with my phone came back so I walked up to the desk again. Between the beginning of my wandering and the guy coming back, I guess a line had formed but I took little notice.
The guy comes back, I walk up to the desk and he starts talking. A moment after that, the older-bleach-blonde-in-shape-but-to-skinny-and-saggy lady is yelling at me about "There's a line here!!!! You can't just cut!!!". I think some expletives got in. Me and the guy are like, "I [he] was here. She continued to yell so, in my diplomatic way, said - "I was already here, so why don't you just get the fuck out of my face". In the nicest possible way, of course. Then she says, "I wasn't the one who care, she was!" while pointing at this other lady. I said, "well, you're the one screaming at me", to which she replied "that's because I'm more aggressive!!"
At this point, I'm thinking 'who the fuck is the bitch?' but realize I don't want to lose it in this store. Calmly (but not being able to help myself from being slightly antagonistic, admittedly) say something to the effect of OK, just get out of my face Ma'am. OK, that's not what I said but I'm going with that (I was calm though).
Now, she's really pissed. "Gay Boy!! Gay Boy!!" When that got no response, she went with "You're Fat!!! No one wants you FATTY!!!"
I turned to her and said, "Come on, you can do better than that, can't you?" She looked at me dumbfounded. "You can be more creative can't you, Iggy Pop?"
She went nuts with a string of expletives, clearly she had gotten the reference and was not amused. This gave me great satisfaction.
So I just ignored her and went about my business. She continued to yell at the lady helping her about how important she was and she missed a business call and things like that.
The guy informed me that the phone was broken (duh) and that I should come back in a few hours. I said thanks and turned to leave. The woman had kind of calmed down.
I know I shouldn't have.
I know.
"Hope everything works out with your phone, Iggy", with a warm smile.
I chuckled to myself as walked out to the sweet sound of four letter words screamed in my direction.

If you don't know who Iggy Pop is you probably don't think this is a funny story. Perhaps this will help: http://www.iggypop.com/